Skip to main content

tv   Late Night With Jimmy Fallon  NBC  June 8, 2010 3:05am-4:00am EDT

3:05 am
-- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much. hey, how are you? thank you. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. thank you so much for coming here. you guys feeling good tonight? you feeling good? [ cheers and applause ] new york city for you. oh, i love this city. hey, did anyone see the kentucky derby on saturday? [ cheers and applause ] well, congratulations to "super saver," who won the big race. he celebrated the same way every other horse does by having no idea what the hell just happened. [ laughter ] that's right. he won the race by 2 1/2 lengths over "ice box." super saver will now get ready for the preakness and the belmont stakes while ice box will check himself into rehab, and show up on the next season of "dancing with the stars." could be interesting. [ laughter ] "'ice box,' i can't believe what you did!
3:06 am
you were running --" speaking of "dancing with the stars," on saturday, kate gosselin and one of her daughters ran a 5k race in pennsylvania. yeah. when kate was asked why her other kids weren't running, she was like, "crap, the other kids! i'll be right back. oh, my gosh. oh, my. oh, my!" [ laughter and applause ] they forgot the other ones. that's right. kate gosselin spent the weekend with her daughter running a 5k. not to be outdone, jon gosselin spent all the weekend selling all his possessions for 5k. [ laughter ] [ scattered applause ] "ed hardy t-shirt, only wore this twice. anyone want to buy a doll house?" you guys been following the whole oil disaster? [ cheers ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. well, while he was there in the gulf coast yesterday, president
3:07 am
obama said, "let me be clear. bp is responsible for this leak. bp will be paying the bill." and bp was like, "ah, bailout? right?" [ laughter ] [ scattered applause ] the president -- the president of bp said that cleaning up the gulf coast oil spill is like doing open heart surgery at 5,000 feet in the dark with robot-controlled submarines. [ light laughter ] hey. thanks for such a relatable example. i appreciate that. [ laughter ] now, i see how hard it is, yeah. how can i explain this, "you know, when you're trying to juggle faberge eggs on mars during an ice blizzard, while crystal bowersocks is singing the theme for 'super mario brothers,' you know, it's like that, right?" oh, we don't know that at all. it's a crazy weekend here in new york. i don't know if you guys heard this, but the pakistani taliban has claimed responsibility for saturday's failed car bomb attack in times square. yeah. [ audience boos ]
3:08 am
i'm no terrorism expert, but i don't think it makes you scarier when you claim responsibility for something that failed. does that make you -- [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] does that make you scared? "hey, you know crystal pepsi? my idea." [ laughter ] [ scattered cheers ] so what? anyone see this on saturday night? chris brown sang the national anthem before the mayweather/mosely fight in vegas. [ laughter ] just to be clear, the idea of having chris brown sing right before a punching contest went all the way up the corporate chain. [ light laughter ] and every person on that chain was like, "yeah, i don't see anything weird about that. that sounds like a great booking. that's fantastic." [ laughter ] [ scattered applause ] chris brown singing the national anthem before a fight, that's like michael vick opening the westminster dog show. [ laughter and applause ] "get him. get him!"
3:09 am
"my dog will pose nicely. he doesn't know get him." finally, i read that a cafe in brooklyn is now selling a $12 cup of coffee. yeah. $12 cup of coffee. [ scattered boos ] inside the cup, you'll find hints of apricot, pineapple, kiwi and lime. and outside the cup, you'll find an idiot who spends 12 bucks on coffee. [ laughter ] fantastic. ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show. give it up for the roots! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, welcome. what a great crowd we got here. we've got such a fun show tonight. two hilarious women of comedy are with us tonight. the very funny sarah silverman is here. [ cheers and applause ] i love sarah.
3:10 am
i'm a huge fan. she's got a new book coming out. of course, the legendary, the one and only -- joan rivers will be joining us. [ cheers and applause ] she's got a great show. we've also got music from the lovely corrine bailey rae, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] this is going to be a great show. going to be a great show. she's so good, so talented. everyone, i'm so excited. because coming up is my favorite game. this game is amazing. if you like carpets and you like samples -- [ laughter ] you're going to love this. it's a game we call "wheel of carpet samples." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: look at this beautiful
3:11 am
wheel. so many carpet samples. let's give it up for tonight's lucky contestants. come on over. [ cheers and applause ] welcome. welcome to the game. how does it feel to be contestants on "wheel of carpet samples," where the name of the game is "wheel of carpet samples." >> awesometastic. >> awesome. >> really good. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you get two points for saying awesometastic. that is not a word. >> thank you. >> jimmy: yes, now in case you don't know the rules -- here's a quick refresher. on this wheel, we have dozens of carpet samples. only the best varieties, of course. we've got sunset whisper, stormy midnight, blooming camel, waffle oasis and, of course, we have tonight's mystery sample. steve, can you tell us what tonight's mystery sample is? >> steve: tonight's mystery sample is brown. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]
3:12 am
>> jimmy: hi, there. what's your name and where are you from? >> i'm solange, and from ridgewood, queens. >> jimmy: all right, very good, solange. all right, audience, you ready? help me out. let's-spin-that-wheel-of-carpet- samples! there you go. come on, solange, give it a good spin. there's the wind up. nice spin. very, very good. step back. you don't want to get rug burn. watch out. [ laughter ] spinning, where it ends. no one knows where it will end on, and there it is, oh! motel 6! wow. motel 6, which means your score is 274.6. [ alarm blares ] uh-oh. you know what that sound means? it's time for the bonus round. ♪ which means it's time for a carpet sample fun fact. >> carpet sample fun fact. ♪ the ancient egyptians slept on pillows made of stone. >> jimmy: now, keep that in mind. [ laughter ] it might come in handy later. now if you'll just go to the end of the line there.
3:13 am
thank you so much. come on over. how are you, buddy? >> good, how you doing? >> jimmy: good man. very, very good. what is your name, and where are you from? >> eric from queens, new york. >> jimmy: queens! all right. we got a lot of people from queens tonight. [ scattered applause ] very, very good. now, she's got 274.6 points. it's the most you can possibly can get. do you think you can top it? >> i think i can. >> jimmy: all right. very good. [ light laughter ] which sample do you have your eye on? >> oh, wow, they are all good picks. i don't know. itchy pickle. >> jimmy: itchy pickle, there it is right there. fair enough. [ laughter ] okay. let's spin-that-wheel-of-carpet- samples. come on. go. give it a good spin. [ cheers and applause ] not too fast. not too soft. perfect spin. wow, where it ends up. no one knows, and we're spinning, and here we are. people are screaming for their favorite carpet sample as always. and it's going to end on belly
3:14 am
button lint. [ cheers and applause ] very good. belly button lint. wait. belly button lint. you know what that means? let's put three seconds on the clock. you know how it works? when i say go, you have to name as many things as you possibly can. ready, go -- [ clock ticking ] ♪ [ laughter ] is that a thing? is that something? no. we're not giving you credit for that. you forgot cactus. we were looking for cactus. >> cactus. >> jimmy: it's okay. no problem. your score is 6,457. please step to the back of the line. thanks a lot for playing. contestant number three! there he is. [ applause ] what is your name, and where are you from? >> brendan from charleston, south carolina. ♪ [ slide whistle ] >> jimmy: oh, you know what that sound means? [ laughter ] it's -- it's time for a quick word from our sponsor. ♪ [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy:
3:15 am
>> jimmy: batmaneatingataco.com -- official website of "wheel of carpet samples." all right, contestant number three. it's time to spin-that-wheel-of-carpet- samples. go, you know how it works. come on. [ cheers and applause ] nice spin. very, very good. very good. that's what people want. they want mystery. they want mystery. don't give out the secret. here we go, and it's going to land on -- ooh, no! metallic callous! metallic callous. ♪ >> thank you, sir. >> jimmy: metallic callous. you know what that means? it's time for a behind-the-scenes look of the making of the batman eating a taco advertisement. ♪
3:16 am
>> jimmy: action. >> and here we go. [ light laughter ] >> okay? >> jimmy: that's the one. [ laughter ] ♪ kiss me, kiss me yeah kiss me, kiss, me ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that really makes you think. now, this is one of the closest matches in the long and storied history of "wheel of carpet samples." higgins, who is tonight's winner? >> steve: tonight's winner on "wheel of carpet samples" is -- contestant number two! >> jimmy: very, very nice. wow. great. what do they win? >> steve: well, jimmy, he won a carpet sample. this sample of carpet is a perfect thing to put on your
3:17 am
wall. this way when people look at it and say, hey, what's that? you say, "it's a carpet sample!" jimmy. >> jimmy: guys, unfortunately, you were losers, and i must take this back from you. [ laughter ] so sorry. but no one goes empty handed here on "wheel of carpet samples." steve, tell them about tonight's consolation prize. >> steve: tonight's consolation prize is a $300 gift certificate to the apple store. [ laughter ] this $300 gift certificate is valued at $300 and can be exchanged for $300 worth of merchandise at any apple store. jimmy. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: so sorry, but thank you so much for playing. and have a safe trip back home. you're the big winner right there. how do you feel, buddy? [ cheers and applause ] >> good.
3:18 am
>> jimmy: got any plans for that carpet sample. >> i'm going to give it to you. >> jimmy: i could never. but i'll give it to you for the $300 gift certificate. >> oh, wow. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: appreciate it. that's all the time we have. we'll see you next time on "wheel- -of-carpet-samples." stick around, everybody. when we come back, we're doing a "late night" makeover. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] (announcer) you'd never wash your dishes in a dirty sink,
3:19 am
so why use a dirty dishwasher? hidden dirt can build up. for flawless results, use finish dishwasher cleaner to remove grease and limescale. and a cleaner dishwasher means amazing dishes. finish, the diamond standard. breakfast! your... better breakfast. with egg whites. red onions... jalapenos... banana peppers... tomatoes... black forest ham... and sweet onion sauce. melted cheese all on english muffins... or flat bread... however you want it! [ male announcer ] spread the word -- subway now has breakfast! get the deliciousness just the way you want it, like the subway western egg white muffin melt. build your better breakfast at subway. and she said hair was growing back... i was like, yes, this works...
3:20 am
[ male announcer ] only rogaine is proven to regrow hair in 85% of guys. puhh puhh puhh putt and that's it. [ male announcer ] stop losing. start gaining. [ female announcer ] remember the sheer joy as kids when the mere mention of ice cream would throw you into a tizzy? ♪ new breyers smooth & dreamy vanilla fudge brownie sandwiches. they have all the decadence you remember -- irresistible fudge brownie cookies and rich brownie bits -- with less fat and calories than regular ice cream sandwiches. new breyers smooth & dreamy. pure joy.
3:21 am
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: and now it's time once again for "let us play with your look." ♪ [ light laughter ] [ scattered applause ] ♪ [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ let us play with your look ♪ ♪ let us play with your look ♪ ♪ let us play with your look ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ let us play
3:22 am
with your look ♪ ♪ let us play with your look ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ let us play with your look ♪ ♪ let us play with your look ♪ ♪ let us play with your look ♪ ♪ let us play with your look ♪ ♪ let us play with your look ♪ ♪ let us play with your look ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ let us play with your look ♪ ♪ let us play with your look ♪ ♪ let us play with your look ♪ ♪ let us play with your look ♪ ♪ let us play with your look ♪ ♪ let us play with your look ♪
3:23 am
♪ let us play with your look ♪ ♪ let us play with your look ♪ ♪ let us play with your look ♪ ♪ let us play with your look ♪ ♪ let us play with your look ♪ ♪ let us play with your look ♪ ♪ let us play with your look ♪ ♪ let us play with your look ♪ ♪ let us play [ cheers and applause ] ♪
3:24 am
[ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: this has been -- "let us play with your look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] depression is a serious medical condition it can take so much out of you. i feel like i have twind myself up just to get out of bed. then... well... i have to keep winding myself up to deal with the sadness, the loss of interest, the trouble concentrating, the lack of energy. if depression is taking so much out of you, ask your doctor about pristiq. (announcer) pristiq is a prescription medicine proven to treat depression. pristiq is thought to work by affecting the levels of two chemicals in the brain, serotonin and norepinephrine. tell your doctor right away if your depression worsens or you have unusual changes in mood, behavior, or thoughts of suicide.
3:25 am
antidepressants can increase suicidal thoughts and behaviors in children, teens and young adults. pristiq is not approved for children under 18. do not take pristiq with maois. taking pristiq with nsaid pain relievers, aspirin or blood thinners may increase bleeding risk. tell your doctor about all your medications, including those for migraine, to avoid a potentially life-threatening condition. pristiq may cause or worsen high blood pressure, high cholesterol, or glaucoma. telling your doctor if you have heart disease... or before you reduce or stop taking pristiq. side effects may include nausea, dizziness and sweating. (woman) for me, pristiq is a key in helping to treat my depression. (announcer) ask your doctor about pristiq. one way i can take care of my engine? take care of your engine and it'll go far. one a day men's --
3:26 am
a complete multivitamin for my overall health. now with more vitamin d to help maintain healthy blood pressure. [ engine revs ] whoa. kinda makes your heart race, huh? so why use a dirty dishwasher? hidden dirt can build up. for flawless results, use finish dishwasher cleaner to remove grease and limescale. and a cleaner dishwasher means amazing dishes. finish, the diamond standard. woohoo! it's not the lighting, girlfriend. mnh-mnh. oh gosh! woo! it's this drab one-tone hair color, ick. yeah. let's szush it up. [ gigi ] try nice 'n easy with colorblend technology. in one simple step, get a blend of tones and highlights. so even in this lovely light, nice 'n easy comes to life with dimension. instead of drabulous... i love it! shhhhh. [ gigi ] ...you look fabulous with tones and highlights. nice 'n easy. your right color.
3:27 am
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, roots. our first guest tonight is a very, very funny comedienne. you know her from her self-titled comedy central show. her new book "the bed-wetter: stories of courage, redemption and pee" is in stores now. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome sarah silverman. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ amazing grace how sweet the sound
3:28 am
that saved a wretch like me ♪ >> thank you. >> jimmy: ooh, thank you for coming. who are those people that were just out here? those -- did you see that act? >> they were -- >> jimmy: the "let us play with your look" people. >> they were us, right? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you can't tell, but it's the magic. but they look like us. >> mystical, magical people from outer space. >> jimmy: yes. the one guy passed out. [ laughter ] >> right. >> jimmy: he didn't make it. see, he didn't make the whole gig. >> well, that's part of the animal kingdom. the weak move on and the strong continue out -- they go out that window. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: now, what does that guy do? what does that partner do? >> that guy is a lady, first of all. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yes. >> and she prospers. >> jimmy: she does, yeah. does she move -- do they still keep the act together, do you think? or do they move on? does she do her solo? >> oh, maybe, it's a town-to-town, kind of, snake oil. he's really alive and fine kind of thing. [ light laughter ] this question was supposed to be, like, a throwaway thing up
3:29 am
top, right? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no, no. this isn't like a 25-minute thing. i want to get into this. >> this is the interview. >> jimmy: this is the interview, yeah. we have to go to the commercial. >> this is the after show. >> jimmy: this is the after -- >> with gary delabate -- >> jimmy: yeah and oprah winfrey. fantastic. hey, "the bed-wetter." come on, you have a book. this is fantastic. you gotta be so excited! [ cheers and applause ] now the title "the bed-wetter," does that refer to you? were you a bed-wetter? >> yes, i was a bed-wetter well into my teens. [ light laughter ] until about 15, 16, tapered off -- and -- >> jimmy: tapered off. so, it still went on, but tapered off. >> had, you know, i used to keep a -- diary, a driary! oh, my god! >> jimmy: a driary. oh, man. why didn't i think of that? why didn't we think of that? >> what if it was, like, a planned slip? "oh, my gosh. i made a hilarious mistake." no, and i would put, like. "wet" or "dry" on the top, you know, like try to find a pattern. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. sleepovers must have been tough.
3:30 am
>> sleepovers were -- okay. so i was a bed-wetter. and i was, first of all, sent to sleepover camp since i was 6. which is just humiliating, and then sleepovers were something i always tried to avoid. i went to my friend heather peters' birthday party when i was 6. i think she was turning 7. and i thought it was a daytime party. so i was having a great time. i was using the jungle gym, i was eating cake -- i was, like, having a blast. and then she's like, "where's your sleeping bag?" and i'm like, record scratch. [ light laughter ] like, actually a record scratch happened. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: at that time, yeah, people were -- you were listening to records. >> and i was like, "this is a sleepover party?" and so she's like, "call your mom, and ask if you could sleep over." fine, that's when i pretend she says no. but heather's standing right there. so i have to be like, "mom, can i sleep over?" and i wished there was some code. because, you know, my mom was like, "of course you can, sweetie!" like, if there could be some code we thought of that would tell her don't let me sleep
3:31 am
over, now, like, "your package from zappos arrived." you know, or whatever. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wait, zappos? >> i know, it didn't exist then. >> jimmy: well, but maybe it did, but wasn't online, maybe. i don't know. [ laughter ] >> so my mom says, "of course, sweetie. sleep over." and i'm like, "darn." and then -- >> jimmy: "thanks, mom." >> so i -- i had to borrow a sleeping bag, and a way too sexy for a 6-year-old pajamas from heather. [ light laughter ] you know, like weird, like, harem pants, half-top thing. [ laughter ] and i tried to keep myself awake all night, you know. but what happens when you try to keep yourself awake all night is that when you -- your body finally gives in, you're like, out. so i wake up, and i'm really in the morning i'm -- i'm warm. i'm very warm, and it feels good. [ audience groans ] but i know if i move just a tiny bit to the right or the left, that's kind of like the moment of truth. and i move a little, and whoosh, cold air. [ audience groans ]
3:32 am
that means i wet the bed. so i went completely into, what any 6-year-old would do, denial. i just pretended that it didn't happen, and i got undressed with the rest of the girls and i got dressed. and just acted like it didn't happen, and then mrs. peters came in. and she stepped right into my wet pajamas, sexy pajamas. >> jimmy: mm-hmm. [ light laughter ] >> and you would think, like as an adult now i go if i stepped into a 6-year-old's wet pajamas, i would be like, "oh, my god, someone wet the bed!" and like try to make it cool. >> jimmy: yeah. >> she goes "who did this?" [ laughter ] and i'm freaking terrified, and i'm thinking like "is this a rhetorical question? is the onus on me to actually
3:33 am
answer her?" i'm having a heart attack, and all of a sudden heather's dad runs in, and says elvis presley just died. and that's how elvis presley saved my life. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: man, see, that's a great story. >> and it's so long. i haven't really worked it out. so it's a good story. >> jimmy: that's really cool. i think you'd be very, very good with kids. are you good with kids? >> i love kids. i'm not ready yet. i'm only 39, but i do -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they are laughing at something else. [ laughter ] >> i do -- they all at the same time thought of a funny thing they remembered. >> jimmy: okay. >> and i'm great with kids, you know. i've got a bunch of nieces and nephews, and i have -- i have like a routine i do. like if -- with a 3 to 5-year-old girl -- and this always works, say you're her. i go like this -- "i'm going to tell you something, but you can't tell anybody." and she's like, "okay." and i go -- [ whispering ] "i'm a princess. i dress normal, so people treat
3:34 am
me regular." and their brains [ bleep ] explode. and it's so fun -- and then sometimes -- [ cheers and applause ] this is short. this is less than 30 seconds -- and sometimes, if it's a boy or a girl, i go -- "i'm your new mommy." and then they freak out a little. and, "i go i'm just kidding. i'm your real mommy." >> jimmy: unbelievable. >> and then they freak out in a bad way, but it's fun for me. >> jimmy: sarah silverman, "the bed-wetter" is in stores now. joan rivers joins us next. come on back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ there is a rhythm of the seasons, so we've developed styles of beer to accompany that. we brew octoberfest, winter lager, noble pils, and right now, there's summer ale. [ bob ] samuel adams summer ale is a flavorful wheat beer. it has a very nice spice note.
3:35 am
[ tim ] it has a little lemon zest and a historic brewing spice called grains of paradise. -it's citrusy. -lemon. -flavorful. -refreshing. -wow. [ man ] sam adams summer ale -- there's just something about it. it's like, totally reminds you of summer, you know? experience new positively nourishing body washes from aveeno, the naturals brand dermatologists trust most. delightfully fragrant, truly moisturizing. that's positively nourishing. only from aveeno. so why use a dirty dishwasher? hidden dirt can build up. for flawless results, use finish dishwasher cleaner to remove grease and limescale. and a cleaner dishwasher means amazing dishes. finish, the diamond standard.
3:36 am
3:37 am
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. our next guest is one of the most influential stand-ups of all time, and one of our favorite guests.
3:38 am
the second season of her hilarious show "how did you get so rich" premieres this wednesday, may 5th at 10:00 p.m. on tv land. check out a clip. >> looking for richie. looking for richie. silver car. yoohoo? >> i'm not married, joan. are you available? >> nope, too late. who have you seen this with? i know you from "jersey shore." >> how did you know i was "jersey shore." >> looks like it's oprah. you look just like oprah. >> but i don't have oprah money yet. >> how did you get so rich? >> i won the lottery. >> how much? >> $112 million. >> this woman hit on the lottery, $112 million. now, keep walking, i got her. did you win him in the lottery? >> he came with it. i bought a $2 ticket. >> a $2 ticket?! >> yeah. >> this lady won the lottery. hey, you idiots, buy a [ bleep ] ticket. >> jimmy: please give a welcome to the great joan rivers. ♪
3:39 am
>> jimmy: thank you, joan. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for coming back on. >> i can't -- >> jimmy: what happened? >> well, you try at this age to even look sexy, but you can't walk in these damn shoes. they are so stupid. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: at least you brought them with you. thank you so much for bringing them out. [ laughter ] >> thank you. >> jimmy: they are beautiful shoes. >> i've been dating, you know, so long. i dated moses, that's how far back i go. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he's a nice guy. >> i gave him herpes. [ laughter ] >> their would have been 20 commandments, but he got itchy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, you got to cut it off at a certain point. >> used the chisel for other things. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: absolutely. now, not only one of my favorite guests.
3:40 am
>> oh, my gosh. >> sarah: hi, i love you. >> jimmy: you -- you're a great mom. >> don't tell rosie. >> jimmy: you're a great mom. mother's day is coming up. you really are. happy mother's day in advance. >> no. no. i had to face -- >> jimmy: what? >> no, i was a psychiatrist all this morning. i had to face the reality of mother's day. i don't think i'll ever have another child. [ laughter ] and then -- >> jimmy: that is awful. >> either that or i'm pregnant for 1,400 months. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my god. i'm so excited, i have to send you something. yeah, i may send you a gift. >> it would be like octomom! >> jimmy: 56 kids come out, yeah. >> 56. >> jimmy: yeah, absolutely. >> no, but mother's day, melissa called me this morning, which was wonderful -- because you have children. >> jimmy: i don't, but no -- >> you don't have children. >> jimmy: no, i'm recently -- i'm married, but i love kids. >> some day, you'll have children. >> jimmy: sometimes i tell them that i'm a princess. [ laughter ] my story. i stole your story. >> i am a princess -- but melissa called me and she said, "i want to thank you."
3:41 am
she's very lovely. "i have morals and i want to thank you, you know, the morals and the integrity and all that has been instilled in me, so i'm going to call up all 1,500 governesses who took care of me you old whore, because you were never home." and that kind of hurt me. >> jimmy: absolutely, yeah. >> that hurt me a little bit. >> jimmy: on mother's day of all days to do that to you. >> yeah, but we're close, like mother and daughter. >> jimmy: i heard that she bought you a car. >> she bought me a car. >> jimmy: that's so nice. >> she got me a toyota prius. [ laughter ] and it was waiting for me in front of the house with a note saying, "mom, get in and just go for it." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: she's trying to kill you. >> pedal to the metal. >> jimmy: my god. >> she would call up and say, "how are you feeling?" and i'd go like "great," and you'll hear like -- [ sighs ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: hey, i want to talk about your show. it's so cool. "how did you get so rich," the second season starts monday.
3:42 am
>> second season starts this wednesday, 10:00. >> jimmy: this wednesday, 10:00, tv land, which i love tv land. >> yeah, it's been great. >> jimmy: now some people who haven't seen the first season. first of all, you're wrong. second of all, you have to watch it. explain to everyone what it is. >> we go to people that have made it on their own. i'm not interested if your father was rich, you know what i mean? people who came to this country with 36 cents, people that slept in doorways and have become billionaires, billionaires, on their own, and then you see how they spend their money, and they all do it differently. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and we have -- the man that did the wee wee pads for dogs? >> jimmy: sure. >> you know, you put your dog, you house train -- millions. the guy that did that stupid clapper, and it turns off the damn lights. >> jimmy: yeah. >> he's sitting at home somewhere going with servants, "clap for me." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he won't even do his own clapping. he doesn't have to. they have different lives, rich people. >> and some spend it on cars and some spend it on, you know,
3:43 am
phallic stuff. there's this one guy. he has an art collection all with erections, and you don't know where to look. [ laughter ] it's like -- it's -- it's amazing. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and then they say this is art, and you go, "hmm! whatever." and it's -- and they -- they've all been wonderful, and they are so different. it's a great show. i love doing this. >> jimmy: i just recently saw this documentary they did about you. >> yeah. >> jimmy: that was at tribeca film festival. you seem psyched about it. >> i was very excited, but i was on the same bill with the one on ricky martin, "gay gardens." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh "gay gardens," have to see that one. he just came out and announced he's gay. >> and they did this stuff -- they followed me around. they followed comedians which was two of us, you know, three of us would be interesting. they followed a comedian's life for a year and a half. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and they all showed what we all really are like and they found me in my hitler uniform with jesse james. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i can't believe those surfaced.
3:44 am
you think you had them hidden well. >> yeah. come on, jesse! >> jimmy: absolutely -- >> how you doing? >> jimmy: that was a great performance, yeah. but it was good, because you got to see you like how hard you work. you are one of the hardest working comedians. remember the word "comedienne"? >> comedianne. >> jimmy: is that a dissing word, comedianne? >> do they call it comedienne? >> sarah: sometimes, who is they? [ laughter ] >> i don't know they. >> jimmy: yeah. i don't know. i mean, like i haven't heard that term in a long time. >> no, but they are always surprised when you're a woman, maybe not so much now. >> jimmy: yeah. >> but with me, they would always say you're a comedian. tell me a joke. i always get that. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and i want to say, "you're a boxer." "why?" "i'm going to punch you in the face." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> like, "you're a proctologist, show me your ass." [ laughter ] i mean, "you're a comedian, tell me a joke." >> jimmy: it's a fantastic documentary and i loved it. >> it was a good documentary. >> jimmy: and i just loved it so much. >> june 11th, it comes out. >> jimmy: you're even on twitter now, as well, to show how hard you're working. >> don't you do twitter? >> jimmy: i'm on twitter.
3:45 am
i follow you on twitter, absolutely. >> i follow you on twitter. >> jimmy: genius. >> do you twitter? >> sarah: yeah, i don't follow you, because i didn't know you were on. >> i wouldn't follow you now. >> sarah: no, i didn't know, joan! >> okay, then i would. >> sarah: i can't wait. >> jimmy: it's that fast. >> i'll turn on a dime. >> sarah: i know, gosh. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's like "i hate that guy." "he says you're good." "oh, i like that guy." yeah, yeah, but do you wish twitter was around -- >> i wished twitter been around, you know, like, "this is amelia earhart, where the [ bleep ] am i?" [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: that is true. that is true, yeah. you're @joan_rivers, and you have almost 100,000 followers. if you want a funny joke, follow joan rivers. and we'll be right back with more of the great joan rivers -- and sarah silverman. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ hi, um, what's your cheeseburger combo meal come with? bloated feeling, regret, remorse, a bigger waist, loss of self-esteem, loss of boyfriend, shame,
3:46 am
years of therapy, fries, and a shake! can i get that without the loss of self-esteem? no custom orders! [ male announcer ] with greasy fast food, what are you really getting? try a new summer flavor, the new orchard chicken salad sub. 8 grams of fat and part of a subway fresh fit meal. a simple way to enjoy eating better. so why use a dirty dishwasher? hidden dirt can build up. for flawless results, use finish dishwasher cleaner to remove grease and limescale. and a cleaner dishwasher means amazing dishes. finish, the diamond standard. host: could switching to geico 15% or more on car insurance? host: does elmer fudd have trouble with the letter r? elmer: shhhh, be very quiet; i'm hunting wabbits. director (o/c): ok cut!!!! uh...it's i'm hunting "rabbits," elmer. let's try that again. elmer: shhhh, i'm hunting wabbits. director (o/c): cuuuuut! rabbits. elmer: wabbits director (o/c): rabbits. elmer: wabbits. director (o/c): rabbits with an "r."
3:47 am
elmer: aw...this diwector's starting to wub me the wong way. vo: geico. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more. - knock, knock. - who's there? interrupting cheese. interrupt-- - cheese! - i should have seen that one coming. you should've, 'cause that was-- i even told you i was gonna be interrupting you. ( snickering, laughing ) morning sir. beautiful day, isn't it? we take the time for our cheese to mature... before we bake it into every delicious cracker. because at cheez-it, real cheese matters.
3:48 am
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. we're here with sarah silverman and joan rivers, whose show "how did you get so rich" begins its second season this wednesday at 10:00 p.m. on tv land. i'm so psyched to have both you guys here. it's so fun. >> so great to be here, all comedians. >> jimmy: yes, super fun. yeah. >> we should talk about something very sad. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no, no. i don't want to do that. >> and everyone will tune in and
3:49 am
"must be a bad time." >> jimmy: that's awful. what made you start comedy? >> my looks. >> jimmy: no! >> seriously. oh, please. i mean, i'm -- she's so pretty. i'm always shocked when sarah -- seriously >> sarah: i'm very, very good looking. [ laughter ] >> you are. you have a great body, and great legs. [ laughter ] i mean, would i take this. >> sarah: i saw joan backstage wearing this and she goes, "what are you wearing on the show?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: absolutely, thank you. >> you've got to know yourself. what made me funny. to this day, my -- how can i explain it? my sex life, it's like my vagina. men know it. my vagina is like newark, i guess that's the way i should put it. [ laughter ] men know it's there, but nobody wants to visit. [ laughter and applause ] that's -- that's my life. and so you do other things. >> sarah: is that like why cory booker is always there? [ laughter ] [ applause ] he's the mayor of newark. wasn't quick enough, sorry. like eight beats too late. >> so you become funny to be accepted on the surfaces. >> jimmy: in one part of the movie, the documentary about you, "piece of work," is that what's it a called? >> documentary, "joan rivers: a piece of work."
3:50 am
>> jimmy: but you just write jokes, file cabinets of jokes. >> yeah, woody allen showed me that. he used to write everything down. because we all say funny things. if you're funny, you say it. so he used to write down on match covers and this and that. i would write it all down and then i would file it so you can remember what you said. and it's fascinating, so i would begin to put them into file cabinets and i can open up and i'll find jokes on nancy reagan, you know what i mean? it's like the history of america is in there. jokes, file cabinets of jokes. >> yeah, woody allen showed me that. he used to write everything down. because we all say funny things. if you're funny, you say it. so he used to write down on match covers and this and that. i would write it all down and then i would file it so you can remember what you said. and it's fascinating, so i would begin to put them into file cabinets and i can open up and i'll find jokes on nancy reagan, you know what i mean? it's like the history of america is in there. >> jimmy: fascinating. well actually, i did. i saw that, it was like a, b, c and then you have words, like topics, airports, and then one said tony danza. >> tony danza!
3:51 am
[ laughter ] >> jimmy: you must have had a tony danza joke. that's so funny. >> tony danza. >> jimmy: and then -- another scene in the movie i loved it that -- and i feel, too, because i just stand up whenever i get a chance, and now and then you deal with a heckler or a rough crowd. and you must still deal with that, right? >> you have hecklers, don't you? >> sarah: yeah. >> every now and again. >> sarah: yeah, i do. yeah. >> jimmy: because you're doing your act. and you're just trying to make everyone laugh. >> and have a good time. >> jimmy: as soon as i saw that, i said to my wife, "that's just going to stick in her brain through the whole thing." >> the whole show. >> jimmy: the whole show, that's in your head, because comedians are a little nuts, and i think you can't get over that and you're like, "dude, nothing against you." >> and what i should have said is, "sit down, you ass, you're my agent." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's what i was thinking. >> "geez, how dare you!" >> jimmy: how dare you do that.
3:52 am
>> you get 10%. no, but it was terrible. the man stood up and took it very personally, and then you -- meanwhile, the other 200,000 people that want to have a good time, and there's one person that's ruining it for everyone, it's so uptight afterwards and you have to bring them back. >> jimmy: yeah. you're up there for a while. it is a rough thing. >> it's a rough thing. >> jimmy: such an interesting thing. gosh, your show is so funny now. i've got to watch that, too. i just can't thank you enough. >> you have nothing else to do. >> jimmy: no, i love it. i can't wait to watch it. it's going to be great. it's on this wednesday, absolutely, 10:00. >> i'm gonna send you a test. >> jimmy: i'll be over at your house and we can watch together. >> okay. >> jimmy: my thanks to joan rivers and sarah silverman. two very funny comedians. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with a song from corrine bailey rae. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ your morning's been rough ♪ ♪ so rough ♪ but you got the right stuff ♪ ♪ green tea with citrus ♪ boh ♪ on the bright side ♪ don't pout, the sun's out ♪ ♪ check big fin out [gurgles] ♪ that's tight ♪ ♪ now, you can make a tasty dish ♪ ♪ 'cause tea with citrus goes great with ♪ ♪ chicken announcer: lipton green tea with citrus. drink on the bright side.
3:53 am
so why use a dirty dishwasher? hidden dirt can build up. for flawless results, use finish dishwasher cleaner to remove grease and limescale. and a cleaner dishwasher means amazing dishes. finish, the diamond standard.
3:54 am
3:55 am
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. our next guest is a grammy-winning singer/songwriter, she's here tonight to perform the song "the blackest lily" with a little help from the roots. please welcome, corrine bailey rae. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
3:56 am
♪ i didn't know what the day was i didn't know what the time it was ♪ ♪ i didn't know what my heart would do i was afraid of nothing ♪ ♪ when you called me on the telephone i was a creature ♪ ♪ of appetites and we played a game that you didn't like ♪ ♪ there wasn't nothing that i could do i can be so bad ♪ ♪ i can be so bad it just took it away and then broke it in two oh ♪ ♪ color my heart color my heart make it restart ♪ ♪ make it restart color my heart i want it more ♪ ♪ than i ever knew the blackest lily the blackest pony ♪ ♪ won't protect
3:57 am
my heart from you oh oh oh ♪ ♪ you were unnervingly delicate and i had a weakness ♪ ♪ for etiquette you laid a trail that led straight to your door ♪ ♪ oh and i could resist but it was hard to ignore oh ♪ ♪ color my heart color my heart make it restart ♪ ♪ make it restart color my heart i want it more ♪ ♪ than i ever knew the blackest lily the blackest pony ♪ ♪ won't protect my heart from you oh oh oh ♪ ♪
3:58 am
♪ the blackest lily the blackest pony ♪ ♪ i didn't know what the day was i didn't know what the time it was ♪ ♪ i didn't know what my heart would do i was afraid of nothing ♪ ♪ when you called me on the telephone ♪ ♪ color my heart color my heart make it restart ♪ ♪ make it restart color my heart i want it more ♪ ♪ than i ever knew the blackest lily the blackest pony ♪ ♪ won't protect my heart from you oh oh oh ♪ ♪ color my heart color my heart make it restart ♪ ♪ make it restart
3:59 am
color my heart i want it more ♪ ♪ than i ever knew the blackest lily the blackest pony ♪ ♪ won't protect my heart from you oh oh oh ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: very good. thank you so much. good to see you. corrine bailey rae, right there, everybody! with the roots. very nice job. thank you so much. see corrine live tuesday in brooklyn, and saturday at the st. lucia jazz festival. give it up once again for corrine bailey rae and the roots. and the roots. my thanks to sarah silverman, joan rivers! [ cheers and applause ] corrine bailey rae and the greatest band in late night, the roots right there! [ cheers and applause ]

45 Views

info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on